Resistance Is Usually Unpreparedness

A few weeks before a recent keynote, I could feel a conversation starting to go sideways.

I had been hired to speak to about 5,000 people at a large organization. The format was virtual and conversational. A vice president would interview me for an hour in front of the entire audience. The organization has close ties to government, and there were layers of politics I could sense but could not fully see.

On our first planning call, I started sharing my point of view on identity, conviction and what it really takes to lead today. She listened, and then she said, kindly but clearly, that I was obviously passionate about this work, but that her organization was different and needed to be careful about the words used and the things said.

The person who had hired me felt the shift immediately. So did I.

Resistance or Unpreparedness?

Most leaders would have read that moment as resistance. They would have either softened everything they planned to say or quietly pushed ahead and hoped for the best.

I read it differently. I didn't think she was against me. I thought she was unprepared. She didn't yet know the kind of things I was going to say, and she was about to stand in front of thousands of her own people without knowing what was coming. That is an unfair position to put anyone in.

So I asked for one more call.

Of course, the politics started. Why do you need her again? She's busy. She knows what to do. I didn't know any other way to say it, so I said it plainly: she is uncomfortable, and it is my job to make her comfortable.

The Second Call

When we finally got on the phone, I didn't defend my ideas. I named what I sensed. I told her I understood her organization had sensitivities, that I wanted to know how she liked to interview, and that I needed to understand my guardrails. Then I walked her through exactly how I planned to approach the conversation.

She paused and said, "You be you. Let me deal with how I need to handle that."

In that moment, she realized this was not about her or about me. It was about what her people needed to hear. We did the keynote. Soon after, she reached out to connect on LinkedIn and sent me a generous note.

If I had not asked for that call, the event could have been a disaster. Not because either of us was wrong, but because one of us was unprepared and neither of us had said so.

Why This Happens Everywhere

I see this same dynamic inside teams every week. A leader comes in with energy, speed and good ideas. The people around them know how to do their jobs. But they are not prepared for where the new leader needs them to go. So they hesitate, question and protect what they know.

The leader reads that as resistance. The team reads the leader as a threat. Before long, both sides are judging each other when what they actually needed was preparation.

People rarely resist ideas. They resist being surprised in front of others. They resist being asked to carry something they don't yet understand. As I've written before, your people aren't resisting change as often as you think. Many of them simply haven't been brought along.

How to Turn Resistance Into Readiness

When you feel pushback, here is what I recommend.

Diagnose before you react. Ask yourself whether this person disagrees with you or simply doesn't know enough yet to agree. Those require completely different responses.

Name the discomfort out loud. Say what you sense with respect. "I get the feeling some of this is putting you in a difficult position" opens a door that defending yourself never will.

Ask for the guardrails. Asking what matters to the other person tells them you care about protecting them, not just about being heard.

Show them what is coming. Walk them through your approach before the moment arrives. Preparation turns a potential critic into a partner.

Ask for the extra conversation, even when it is inconvenient. The meeting people say you don't need is often the one that saves the relationship.

Make Others Look Prepared

There is a quiet form of leadership in making sure the people around you never look unprepared. It doesn't diminish your conviction. It extends it. You trust your instincts enough to act on them, and you respect others enough to bring them with you.

That is how trust is earned. Not by being right, but by making it safe for others to come along. And when you stop making people guess your intentions, much of what looked like resistance simply disappears.

The next time someone pushes back, don't push harder. Prepare them.

Want to explore these ideas further? Learn more about my work on leadership, identity and conviction at www.theglennllopis.com.