Don't Make People Guess Your Intentions

You have probably felt it. You meet a new team member, a new boss or a prospective client, and within minutes you sense they are not comfortable with you. As a leader, you can't afford to let that tension linger. The relationship may be central to your performance and to the success of the organization you serve.

First impressions matter, but they are not final. When one doesn't go your way, you have to find a way to course-correct. That takes time and patience, which can feel out of step with a workplace where messages are instant, meetings are back to back and many relationships begin on a video call. Relationships still run on human needs. Winning people over is not about you. It is about using your leadership to serve others.

The Colleague Who Couldn't Keep Up

I will never forget one colleague who always seemed uneasy around me. My boss told me my sense of urgency was too much for her and asked me to collaborate at a more balanced pace. It took months of renewed effort. Then one day she told me she had always felt uncomfortable because she believed she could never keep up with me. My pace made her feel like she was underperforming. Once she understood my leadership style, she saw that my intention was to make the people around me better.

That conversation taught me a lasting lesson: winning people over begins with helping them understand your intentions. When people are left guessing, they can't tell what you stand for. So they keep their distance and never fully engage.

Think about the people you lead and serve. Is there a peer you feel awkward around? A client who never seems at ease? Here are five ways to change the dynamic.

1. Search for Shared Experiences

Personalities differ, but everyone shares some common ground. Shared experiences let us appreciate the human factor in each other. Winning people over is not about manipulating them into liking you. It is about giving them reasons to respect you enough to engage. Be consistent. Listen well. Be patient. Over time, respect matures into genuine connection.

2. Understand Their Values and Show Yours

Leaders who come across as overly polished, never showing a flaw or a moment of self-deprecation, create distance. People assume they have nothing in common with someone who seems flawless. Your values shape how you think, act and engage. When you understand someone else's values, you begin to understand their intentions. When there are no hidden agendas, it becomes much easier to build rapport and a foundation for the long term.

3. Balance the Head and the Heart

Don't be afraid to show compassion. People are slow to warm up to leaders who never show any heart. It is no longer just about what you know, but what you do with what you know. Share your personal side when the time is right. Talk about the people who shaped you. In my case, that is often my father, whose immigrant perspective still grounds how I lead. Vulnerability is not weakness. It is an invitation.

4. Get Your Hands Dirty

People are unimpressed by leaders who delegate everything and simply observe. Show them you are in it together. When you work alongside people, they see a multidimensional leader who has their back and can get the job done. Some people may never like you. That is fine. Earn their respect, so you can still work together for a healthier whole.

5. Invite Them In

It is easier to win people over when you make a genuine effort to engage them, especially those who keep their distance. If they have earned it through their performance, give them a seat at the table. Ask for their perspective in meetings where their voice would otherwise go unheard. Invest in the relationship and be willing to take a risk on it. If your style consistently makes people feel threatened or uneasy, it may be a sign your approach needs updating.

Put It Into Practice

1. Name the relationship. Identify one person whose distance is costing you or the team.
2. State your intention out loud. Tell them plainly what you are trying to accomplish and how you hope to work with them.
3. Ask about their world. Learn what they value and what pressures they are carrying right now.
4. Find one shared experience. Use it as a bridge, not a sales tactic.
5. Follow through. Do one visible thing in the next two weeks that proves your intention is real.

Winning people over takes time, and only you can decide whether a particular relationship is worth the investment. Sometimes it simply isn't a fit. When that happens, step back without letting emotion take over, and stay focused on the greater good. But in my experience, most distance is not dislike. It is uncertainty. Remove the uncertainty by making your intentions clear, and you will find that respect doesn't come with the title. It comes from how people experience you. Leaders who master this discover that executive presence is about others, not themselves.

Want to explore these ideas further? Learn more about my work on leadership, identity and conviction at www.theglennllopis.com.