Self-Awareness Is Built in Public

I believe two things are critical to conviction: self-awareness and self-directedness. They are deeply connected. Self-awareness tells you who you are. Self-directedness is your willingness to act on it. Without the first, the second has no compass. Without the second, the first is just reflection.

People often ask me the obvious follow-up question: how do you actually learn self-awareness?

My answer surprises some of them. You don't find it only by looking inward. Self-awareness is built in public.

You Learn Who You Are by Putting Yourself Out There

One of the most reliable ways I've found to know myself is to put myself in environments that test me, and then pay close attention to how I respond. What energizes me? What unsettles me? Where do I shrink, and where do I find my voice?

You can't learn those things in a room that always feels familiar. Comfort confirms what you already believe about yourself. Unfamiliar rooms reveal what you haven't yet discovered.

The second practice is sharing ideas that may be viewed as contrarian. Not to be provocative for its own sake, but to learn how different your thinking really is. When you offer a perspective and the room pushes back, you learn something about the room. You also learn something about yourself: what you're willing to stand behind, and why.

Why So Many People Hide Instead

Most people do the opposite. They hide.

Randstad's 2025 Workmonitor found that 62% of workers globally hide aspects of themselves at work, up from 55% the year before. Among Gen Z, the figure was 68%. Those are people who have learned that fitting in feels safer than being known.

I understand the instinct. But here is the trade-off. When you lack self-awareness, it's easier to find ways to fit in. And the more you fit in, the less you learn about yourself. It becomes a cycle that keeps you comfortable and keeps you small. Hiding also has a cost for the organization. Every perspective that stays hidden is a question that never gets asked and an idea that never gets tested.

The 45-Year-Old and the 15-Year-Old

This cycle doesn't only affect young people. I've come to see a striking parallel across generations.

A 45-year-old professional who has followed the path they were rewarded to follow often reaches a point where they're suddenly expected to make decisions that were never asked of them before. Many experience a kind of decision paralysis. They have spent so long following the playbook that they no longer trust their own judgment.

Now think of a 15-year-old editing themselves to fit in a room or to get more likes online. Pew Research Center found in 2025 that 31% of teens feel pressure to post content that will get a lot of likes or comments.

Different ages. Same challenge. Both are shaping themselves around the approval of others instead of discovering who they are. One pays the price in paralysis. The other risks paying it for decades. And in both cases, the remedy is the same: the courage to be seen, and the discipline to learn from what happens when you are.

Being Different Is the Point

If you have ever felt a little different from the people around you, pay attention to that feeling. It's not a flaw to correct. It's information about where your value lives.

In a world where everyone is searching for answers, the person who knows how they are different can ask the questions others aren't conditioned to ask. That's not something you discover in isolation. You discover it by showing up, speaking up and noticing what happens next. It's why I encourage people to stop asking permission to be yourself at work.

Four Ways to Build Self-Awareness in Public

Enter one unfamiliar room this month. A different team's meeting, an industry you don't know, a community you've never joined. Notice how you respond, and write it down.

Share one idea you've been holding back. Choose a view you believe but haven't voiced because it goes against the grain. Offer it with curiosity, not combativeness.

Study your reactions, not just the outcome. After the conversation, ask what the pushback taught you about what you truly value.

Turn awareness into direction. Self-awareness only matters if it changes what you do. Pick one decision this week that reflects what you've learned about yourself. That is self-directedness in action.

Knowing Yourself Is a Practice

Self-awareness is not a personality trait some people are lucky to have. It's a practice, and it grows every time you let yourself be seen. As I've written about reclaiming your identity at work, the goal isn't to become someone new. It's to become more fully who you already are.

You won't get there by staying hidden. Step into the room, say what you see and learn from what happens.

Want to explore these ideas further? Learn more about my work on leadership, identity and conviction at www.theglennllopis.com.