Feelings Are Part of the Work

Leave your feelings at the door. For generations, that was the rule. Show up, do the job, stay professional. Emotions were seen as a distraction at best and a weakness at worst.

That thinking is a remnant of the age of standardization, when the business defined the individual and functioned best when everyone did what they were told inside the box they were given. It doesn't work in an age of personalization.

Across industries from healthcare to automotive, from big-box retail to banking, I keep hearing what people are thinking but not saying to their leaders: we were conditioned to work in environments that standardized our identities, and now we want those identities back.

We Are Not Machines

The standardization mindset works against human nature. It asks people to behave like machines, hiding their emotions and personal feelings to fit in. When people do speak up, in big or small ways, they are often shut down and don't feel safe doing it again.

Who among us hasn't felt beaten down by work or life and hidden it from the boss for fear of being judged, appearing weak or losing our job?

In reality, emotions shape our behavior. They are what make us human. The skills that depend on them, like building trust, reading a room and caring about a relationship, are the ones that remain uniquely human, and they are worth more the more routine work gets handed off.

Why "Soft" Skills Are Hard to Value

Organizations increasingly say they want people with so-called soft skills. People who care about relationships with customers. People who look at data from all sides and stay curious.

Yet we were largely trained for the opposite: hard skills that are specific, teachable and measurable. Human skills are more variable. They are difficult to teach, automate or measure. As a result, they are misunderstood and often devalued, even as they become the true differentiator between people and machines. This is why I believe emotional intelligence is a performance strategy, not an extra.

The Danger of Tribalism

I know this pull from the inside. I used to believe that if you didn't know my culture, you didn't know me, my individuality. Then I realized that mindset actually created barriers, not bridges. So I flipped the script. I started asking how a person's distinction as an individual is shaped, not only by their culture, but by their parents, their experiences, their likes and dislikes. Culture is part of who we are. It is not the whole of it.

Feelings are powerful. They can inspire collaborative action that crosses boundaries and helps people let go of the status quo. They can also make people hold on tighter.

When leaders make people feel that others are the source of their problems, and a threat to their safety, status or identity, people stop taking responsibility. They unite with those who share their views and reject or blame everyone else.

That is tribalism: the exclusion of, and often contempt for, anyone who doesn't conform to the group. And it thrives in workplaces where feelings are ignored rather than acknowledged.

Finding "your people" can be healthy. Employee groups and communities of shared identity can give people influence they were denied. But no group is immune to tribal thinking. The question for all of us is where the lines stop being drawn and human connection to everyone starts again.

Whose Values Are You Living?

Tribal thinking tends to narrow over time, sometimes down to a single issue so important that we dismiss everything else about a person. In the workplace, that might look like writing off a colleague because of the function they work in, the generation they belong to or a position they took in a meeting.

So ask yourself: whose values are you living? Your own, as an individual? Or the values defined by your tribe? And how are you treating the people on the other side?

Find Your Reflex Before It Finds Your Team

The way out of the standardization trap starts with acknowledging our own feelings and the feelings of others. Try this exercise:

1. Name your reflex. Who do you have an automatic negative reaction to? It can be a broad category: senior leadership, line employees, finance, HR, a particular generation.
2. Check your behavior. Do you actively engage with people from that group, or avoid them whenever you can?
3. Ask how it shows. If I asked the people you lead whether you have a reflexive negative reaction to any group, what would they say? You may think you hide it well. You probably don't.
4. Consider the ripple effect. Has that reaction affected how others act around you, their willingness to share ideas, or their comfort being themselves?
5. Take one step. This week, have a genuine conversation with someone from that group, with the goal of understanding, not persuading.

Leading With the Whole Person

If every leader took an honest look at themselves this way, it would be a huge step toward leading in the age of personalization. Feelings belong inside the work, not outside it. Leaders who make room for them create cultures where people bring their full selves, and their best thinking, every day.

Want to explore these ideas further? Learn more about my work on leadership, identity and conviction at www.theglennllopis.com.